I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
