I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
