After last night, I could never be a politician.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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