So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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