Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
