It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
