you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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