my soul wont recognize me after tonight
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
