I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
