I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
