I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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