If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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