3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
