I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Its about making memories worth repressing
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
