I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
