He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
