if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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