I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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