so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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