Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
