i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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