Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
