No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
