So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
