yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
