Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
