I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
