I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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