i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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