Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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