Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize