I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
