every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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