i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
