I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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