I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
