I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
