Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
