Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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