i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
