Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
