I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
