Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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