Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
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Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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