No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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