A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
