get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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