Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
