so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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