Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
