Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
