Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
