dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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