Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize