I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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