Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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