I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
