Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
