Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
