yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just cropdusted the office
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
