when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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