know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
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You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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