Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
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I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
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Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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