My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
