Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
