hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
